Lance Armstrong Cleared: Blood Samples Tested Negative up to 1500 times

April 1, 2014 1

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The World Anti-Doping Agency’s world headquarters test laboratory located in Bern, Switzerland have officially announced that former professional cyclist Lance Armstrong is clean and will be reinstated by the Union Cyclist Internationale (UCI) effective immediately. Additionally, in respect to his tested blood samples (that were stored frozen) being found to be 100% clear of any and all performance enhancing drugs (PEDS), and masking agents, his seven Tour de France titles may be awarded to him again. Dr. Ernie Z. Schwartzenheimlichen, who is the Executive overseeing the testing procedures said, “It was with great shock and disbelief that we uncovered nothing. His blood samples showed no indications of elevated testosterone, or even traces of any drugs, whatsoever. There were no stimulants, HGH or anabolic steroids or EPO. There was no sign of masking agents, which again, I say comes as a complete shock to all of us at WADA, Bern. We in fact re-tested blood samples up to 1500 times getting the same negative result, each time.”

Apparently samples of Armstrong’s blood have been kept frozen and stored in Bern dating back to 1997.  Internationally legislated legal barriers have kept the blood, as well as urine samples protected under lock and key until October 2013, where quietly the release was granted. The hold-up in the courts, which prevented the testing from going on, was believed to be the main reason why Armstrong had never tested positive for PEDs, yet he has been convicted in the court of public opinion and no real proof has been provided, until now; undeniable proof that he was clean.

In a statement released by Oprah Winfrey’s agent, Marcel Goldberg, they will seek to pursue every avenue of the law to sue and bring justice to Armstrong for lying on the Oprah Winfrey Show, bringing the show, sponsors, the network and ultimately Ms. Winfrey into disrepute.

Armstrong  was not available for comment, as he was cycling.

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