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Of South African track athlete Oscar Pistorius’s non-conviction today of what is essentially premeditated murder (he was acquitted of murder), it at first left anyone who has anywhere from a passing awareness to intense interest in the case, angry, for the moment. It appears he hasn’t met with the full extent of his comeuppance, yet. Pistorius must wait while Judge Thokozile Masipa reconvenes on Friday and wades through the explanation as to why he will or will not be convicted of the lesser charge of “culpable homicide”. It could take hours.

The media and perhaps the masses believe he will be found guilty of culpable homicide, which is essentially negligence. He is also negligent in keeping, in an unsafe manner, a loaded firearm. He also has a history of firing off his gun, which can carry a five-year term in jail. For this, we already know he is guilty; a conviction of the former can bring with it a jail sentence of up to 15 years. Many believe he will serve at least five years. If this is so, he can kiss his international athletic career goodbye, if he hasn’t already made peace with the fact it is over for him, regardless of the outcome tomorrow.

Pistorius may have committed premeditated murder. In other words he may very well have planned to kill his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, however, he may very well have slipped into paranoia or more likely pure rage and had shot first (four times) and thought after.

Saying that, a culpable homicide conviction is more likely to be proven and this is why he was initially acquitted of premeditated murder. The judge just does not have the confidence of the witnesses to bring forth a conviction of the latter.

If Pistorius was taking anabolic steroids, and it is rumoured that he was, there is episodic moments of rage that users often suffer from, that may have taken place. There may have also been a combination of two or more states of mental breakdown. Was he jealous, angry, raging, paranoid, or scared of a potential break-in? After all, break and enter crime in South Africa is very high. But none of that really matters, what matters in the judge’s mind is, did Pistorius murder Steenkamp in what can be proven as culpable homicide? There is little doubt that he surely did.

Regardless of what Judge Masipa convicts Pistorius of, he will have to live with the torture of knowing he killed his girlfriend. He will never un-know that and the long legal process and the public and media scrutiny that he is under, will forever cast a shadow over him, for the rest of his life. It is likely that never a day shall pass where he doesn’t think of it. Jail time or no jail time, he will suffer forever.