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The Rio Olympic Games will be broadcast live around the world to the largest viewing audience in television and internet history. The greatest terrestrial coverage of all-time will take place for the 28th Olympiad of the Rio de Janeiro Games and NBC will seriously shit the bed with their coverage.

Meanwhile, Great Britain’s rights were appropriately awarded to the impeccable BBC, Canada’s the CBC, Australia the Seven Network, Japan will have the Japan Consortium broadcast the games and in Mainland Asia Dentsu was awarded the rights. There are a total of 64 broadcasters. They will each own the privilege of re-selling broadcasts to local television stations.

“You can buy any time or sporting event you like, that doesn’t have Usain Bolt running in it,” shared Xiao Yang of Ping TV. “Unless he tests positive for banned substances, then it’s any time or event that doesn’t have the American’s basketball games.”

Of the 64 broadcasters, only NBC will be brazen or stupid enough to broadcast a two-minute middle-distance finals race and cut to a 30-second cola commercial, telling the world that together we can make a better planet if everyone drank their black death.

The viewer tuning into NBC, with their short attention span, will ultimately reach for their caffeine and sugar-loaded soda pathetically unaware in their insulin-crashed stupor of the irony of it all. Nor will they notice the 800-metre final going on in full bloom over at the Beebs; that’s poetic justice, right there.

Ironically, Turkey’s rights were awarded to FOX, how messed up is that?

Well more ironic than that, and sit down and think about this complete mental retardation for an im arsch zweite, ARD TV was awarded the broadcast rights for Germany.

The Olympic organizers are so blood-thirsty; they will scheiße in ihrem eigenen mund for the all-mighty Euro, by awarding broadcast rights to the very company that has taken down the Russian Athletics Federation.

Visualise if you will, commercials being broadcast on ARD TV between events (not during) promoting the latest documentary about Seppelt interviewing yet another drug-fuelled athlete: silhouetted against the shade-and-back light of anonymous interviews everywhere, “Every week I returned to the condominium of my coach for a dosage of something he called vitamins.”

ARD TV just dropped RAF like Tyson over Spinks in 1988. Spinks, in his drunken stupor fought that terrible canvas hard. Gravity sucked him into the black hole vortex, he sat there like a Russian, dumb (founded).

ARD TV is the very same broadcaster that has brought to light, via primarily Journalist Hajo Seppelt, the systematic doping of Russian athletes, supported by their own anti-doping agency, which ironically banned them from the very games ARD will be broadcasting. Fiction couldn’t get more creative than this.

He, who by all rights should be up for the Pulitzer Prize for investigative journalism or the European equivalent, is an important employee and now public face of the company.

Herr Hajo Seppelt should be knighted and awarded the Holy See; the great Papal Order of Chivalry.

Well, at least the International Olympic Committee was upstanding enough to see true investigative journalism for what it is; a valuable vehicle for justice, even if they scheiße in ihrem eigenen mund in the process.

Which does not explain their awarding the broadcast rights in America to NBC. Or, yes it does.